Age gap in a relationship is something that people have always been concerned about. You know, sometimes we do get angry at people for judging, but if we think more deeply, the concerns are pretty valid and obvious.
It is just that people don’t see the successful age gap relationships but only the disasters. It is absolutely fine. This is a human tendency, I guess.
Now, the question arises, why is age gap in a relationship frowned upon? Well, it is because of the stereotypes and, yes, the few shortcomings. But You can overcome them by taking a few steps.
I have been on dates with men who were 10 years older than me, and one thing that I have realized is that they think in a different way, and I wasn’t able to match that energy at that time. Because I was younger and my priorities were different.
So, after years I have realized that my priorities are just as same as his. Perhaps this is something he realized a long ago and said that we are not compatible.
I’m not saying that we all become the same as we age, but yes, some priorities do match, like stability, being family oriented, more focused, etc.
How Much is Too Much?
There is no particular answer to this. For me, if my partner is 10 or more years older than me, that’s too much. It might not be the case with you, isn’t it?
If we talk about celebrity relationships, Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas come to my mind. When these two got married, people criticized them a lot, saying that Priyanka only did that to get that green card.
But sit and think for a minute, does she actually need to marry someone to get a green card? If that’s the case, she could have married anyone. More handsome and successful men had been in love with her, then why Nick Jonas?
It’s because she is in love with him, and so is Nick. I also thought that they would eventually file for a divorce because they were not compatible enough. But see, they are now happy parents and going pretty strong.
So, it depends on the person when it comes to how much is too much. If you have set a boundary about how old your partner should be, then there is nothing wrong with it.
Even if you want someone who is 15 years older than you, it’s fine. Yes, it does come with certain shortcomings, but unless and until you guys put in that effort, it is all worth it in the end.
Furthermore, 10 years of age gap is considered to be a generation gap, but I have seen several couples having a good time like this. But that also does not mean that it will also work for you.
So, just make yourself open to men or women who are able to match your needs rather than focusing on things as they should be of your age.
Is It a Bad Thing?
See, I will not say that it’s a bad thing to date someone who is older or younger than you unless and until you have pure intentions.
If you are a middle-aged guy and thinking of dating a young woman just because she looks good, this is high time that you need to think about your morality and ethics.
Yes, people do have priorities, but that does not mean you will have some ridiculous priorities and will impose them on your partner.
The same thing applies to women too. Dating older men just because they have stability and are able to provide things for you and your baby is not a good idea, girl!
Yes, you are looking for security, but what if he is emotionally unavailable and does not understand emotions? Will you still be able to live with him?
I don’t think so. So, it’s better to put your emotional needs first while looking for a partner. This argument reminds me of my teenage days.
My mum used to tell me that you should choose older men because they have come a long way. Therefore, they are calmer, more emotional, and more understanding. Moreover, I saw that happening when a few of my friends got married.
But it didn’t work out for me. I have found that younger men were too childish for me, and older men were emotionally unavailable.
This happens when you become emotionally mature at a young age. See, this is the point I’m making. You and your partner should share compatible emotional maturity. Otherwise, it will be chaotic, and you might suffer a lot.
So, yeah, there is nothing wrong with it, and you are as free as a bird. Just never settle for less, and don’t compromise your emotional needs.
Factors that Actually Matter in an Age-Gap Relationship
There are certain factors that work when two people from different age groups get into a relationship. This is the reason behind people criticizing or not supporting such relationships.
These factors are nothing but general problems that often occur between two people born at different times. Isn’t it obvious? I think these problems occur in same-age relationships as well. Because each person is different, and so are their priorities.
However, it is pretty prominent in relationships with a huge age gap. So, let’s see what the differences are and how you guys can overcome that.
Energy level is one of the most prominent factors that work behind the success of a relationship. I’m not talking about the physical energy but also the mental energy as well.
I don’t know how many of you have noticed, but as we grow older, we have lost interest in so many things that we used to find interest in earlier, isn’t it?
In my case, it’s going out and gossiping. There was a time I loved going out and gossiping about classmates, their affairs, and so on. But as I grew up, I realized that these things do not matter at all, and I quit them.
Coming to the present, I’m more into books, staying at home, and focusing on my internal growth. Suppose a person who is the older version of me; then I don’t think I would be able to vibe with him.
Suppose two people, one in his late 30s and another in her early 20s, will definitely have different energy levels. The younger one would be interested in clubbing, night outs, etc. But the older one would be into exploring music or something more peaceful.
But if you and your partner find a balance, it will be smooth. If he agrees to go clubbing with you, next weekend you guys stay at home. This is what love is.
Emotional Maturity is a must in a relationship. I know you are fascinated with K-dramas, and there, you have seen how mature the guy is and how childish the girl is. Though it looks cute, in real life, it is not cute at all.
In this scenario, the mature person might feel frustrated and become emotionally distant. The younger one, on the other hand, might interpret mature behavior as not being in love.
I’m not saying that emotional maturity in a relationship includes both persons, but yes, if one is giving 80%, the other must deliver 20%.
Again take the example of the late 30s man, he is stable and pretty mature in handling situations, but the girl has anger issues and often overreacts.
In this case, telling her directly that she is overreacting will fuel her anger. So, the other person, because of his maturity, might not validate her feelings.
But again, if both of them learn how to validate each other’s behavior, it won’t be that tough.
Lifestyle Plays a huge role in the success of a romantic relationship, and when I talk about the age gap in a relationship, this is another prominent factor.
You tell me if you are 20 years old and a college student, a person who is 10-15 years older will have the same lifestyle as you? They will not, right?
A 35-year-old man or woman will be work-oriented and, yes, family-oriented too. They are in a stage of their lives where they might be looking for someone to marry or build a family at least.
But being a 20-year-old, you would like to settle down. Will you? Exactly. You will be looking for growth while they are looking for stability. Therefore, the clash is here.
Young people don’t think about fitness much; they are into having fun. But older people will be making healthier and far-sighted choices which are apparently boring.
Moreover, older people live a more disciplined life which is not the case with the 20-year-olds, which might create some problems and misunderstandings.
But that would not be the case with someone who is disciplined in their twenties. So, yeah, there are exceptions, and through them, things can work!
Priorities talk! Have you heard this saying? You must have! When we talk about priorities, we must keep in mind that this is something very personal. If I give the topmost priority to my work, it is not necessary that you would do the same.
Everybody has a priority list, and it changes from time to time. On weekdays, it would be work, but on weekends, it wouldn’t be the same.
The older partner has a priority list that includes their work, family, and their partner. The younger partner’s list includes friends, vacations, and their partner.
There’s a huge difference between these two. Therefore, the clash is pretty obvious. So, how to overcome this?
It is my advice to the older ones, never teach them about life and how they are doing things wrong. Nobody taught you; you learned it all by yourself. This is their turn now.
Yes, you will obviously interrupt them in their bad decisions that can lead to danger. But never restrict them from experiencing life. You are not the parent, and you don’t need to be so.
You just need to give them some time to realize things, and if you cannot, then you should move out.
Interests May Not Match
This is one of the biggest reasons that age-gap relationships fail. Compatibility starts with common interests. If you guys have nothing in common, it might become a lot more difficult than you think.
So what are your interests? It can be anything, starting from hobbies to what a person likes to do to deal with their anxiety.
Hobbies change as we grow older; they shift from dancing to gardening. It happens because of the emotional maturity we get through the experience. It can be the opposite too.
If a person has only grown up by age and does not mind, the hobbies will not change. I’m not saying that dancing is bad; I’m just emphasizing the change.
See, it’s pretty obvious that a younger person will not be interested in stuff that belongs to an older person.
But if it does, it’s a cherry on top. You don’t need to worry about anything! I struggle a lot because my hobbies are like old people, and men of my age find it boring.
So, yeah, it works both ways. That’s why I always say, see whether you guys are compatible or not. That comes first.
Not being compatible or being able to share your feelings is a huge turn-off in a relationship. So, it does not matter how much age gap there is in your relationship; always communicate your heart out.
It is the best way to know the person and strengthen your bond. Relationships aren’t hard. It looks hard, or it has been hard for you because the other person wasn’t putting in the same effort as you, and you are left emotionally drained.
So, never invest in something that is going to drain you. Be confident, be vocal, and you got this!
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