Since forever isn’t forever in this generation. In this era of casual relationships, we find it hard to believe that any relationship is going to last. However, after constantly being hurt due to our attachments.
This is why many people are suffering from Abandonment issues. It is becoming so common these days, and there can be so many reasons behind this. Let us begin by understanding what the root cause of all of this is: Attachment.
As we are born, we form a deep attachment with our parents or caregivers. Attachment is very important for anyone’s psychological, physical, and emotional growth.
Moreover, it allows us to build a strong foundation and gain self-esteem. It also makes us feel worthy of love. However, this initial phase is very important for the foundation of any relationship further in our lives.
However, when you face a sudden loss of your secure attachment. It impacts the fragile heart and mind. Therefore, you may struggle with Abandonment issues.
It can cause a lot of issues in your future relationship and can have a deep impact on your life. Let us dive deep into the topic.
Table of Contents
What is fear of Abandonment?
The fear of abandonment can be so deep-rooted in your subconscious. Moreover, with time it turns into anxiety that often triggers due to specific painful experiences like childhood abuse, neglect, or the loss of a loved one.
Abandonment issues are linked with an insecure attachment style. Which means you will have difficulty forming close and stable relationships with others.
However, According to attachment theory, early childhood experiences and interactions between the child and the caregivers is most likely to determine whether you develop a secure or insecure attachment style.
If you are still confused, ask yourself did you go through any painful experiences or lost a loved one as a child. However, most Abandonment issues involve a bitter experience with the parent or caregiver.
Moreover, this issue will carry forward into your adulthood. However, when a child is taken proper care of and has provided the necessary emotional support, the child is most likely to develop a secure attachment style.
Furthermore, a secure attachment style means a person is able to trust and open upto others without having a fear of being abandoned. However, a person with a secure attachment style is more likely to form healthy relationships with others.
On the other hand, when a child has to face emotional stress and trauma in the early years of life. This will make him remain in a constant state of chronic stress and fear. Thus, this leads to the development of an insecure attachment style.
What are the Signs?
Let’s understand what are the signs of Abandonment issues. In most cases, abandonment issues often show up as anxiety, especially when separated from a loved one or in the case of children when separated from a caregiver.
However, children with abandonment issues get upset and have difficulty regulating their emotions. They may also perceive negative and attention-seeking behavior.
Moreover, they can have sudden outbursts of emotion or might throw tantrums. Another sign can be they can demonstrate avoidant or antisocial behavior.
Furthermore, they might even be very fearful of adults or overly trusting, which leads to developing fast dependencies.
On the other hand in adults, they develop specific defense mechanisms that make it more difficult to form close, healthy relationships. Ask yourself, do you push people away? And avoid trusting or opening up to a person?
However, different people have different defense mechanisms, which are categorized as different attachment styles. Moreover, there will be some unhealthy patterns in the relationships of people suffering from abandonment issues.
Sometimes these people become overly needy in a relationship and develop dependencies in order to meet all of their other emotional needs. While others with abandonment fears will allow people to come close but become volatile, aggressive, or emotionally reactive with their partner when they feel threatened or stressed.
Moreover, each of these patterns represents a different type of insecure attachment.
Triggers of Abandonment Issues
Did you go through loss, neglect, or abuse as a child? As these issues are always a result of Severe childhood experiences. There can be a different types of traumatic experiences and stressful situations.
However, these experiences lead to the development of negative emotions, and this is what forms the basis of insecure attachment and abandonment fears. Moreover, this can include self-worth issues, like assuming that you are unworthy of love or believing that others are untrustworthy.
These core emotions and beliefs can impact your future life and relationships, even in adulthood.
Some of the childhood experiences that cause insecure attachment style or abandonment issues can be:
- Having a caregiver who is neglecting
- Unfulfilled needs and feelings as a child
- Physically abusive caregiver
- Emotionally abusive caregiver
- Inconsistent caregiver
- Being a victim of sexual abuse
- Separation from a loved one
Abandonment issues can be caused by any of the above reasons, as it’s never the result of any particular single event. Moreover, it’s a pattern of not meeting a child’s emotional needs.
However, sometimes it can cause by a certain environmental factor or circumstances instead of parenting. Moreover, these environmental and social risk factor includes things like being exposed to violence in the community or within the boundaries of your home.
Factors like Coming from a low socio-economic background and Being a minority can trigger these issues. Moreover, children who are raised in adoptive families or who are placed in foster care often struggle with fears of abandonment and insecure attachments.
Even children from loving, stable homes have developed abandonment issues. In situations like if a parent is constantly working and can’t give time and care to the family.
Moreover, if a parent struggles with chronic health issues or mental health conditions.
At what stage can it happen?
While experiencing trauma in childhood is more likely to lead to an insecure attachment style. However, experiences later on in life can also lead to abandonment issues.
Circumstances like being in an emotionally, physically, or sexually abusive relationship. Moreover, being cheated on or betrayed, not getting enough attention, or experiencing rejection as an adult can also have a deep impact on your attachment style.
While not everyone who has these experiences will go on to develop abandonment issues, as everyone has their own ways of dealing with situations.
However, this is more likely to happen when a person’s unresolved issues and traumas are carried to another relationship.
When to seek Help for abandonment issues?
If you have difficulty forming close relationships or friendships? Do you have commitment issues, or do you feel intense anxiety while committing to someone?
Moreover, difficulty being open, vulnerable, or trusting others because of past experiences is commonly faced by those having abandonment issues.
Some of the signs that could indicate a need for professional help include patterns of choosing partners who are abusive, controlling, needy, emotionally unstable, or unavailable.
Patterns of unhealthy communication, being needy all the time, and a habit of losing yourself in a relationship are all due to fear of abandonment.
However, when significant past traumas or unresolved issues continue to bother you or impact your relationship with others.
In such conditions, you may benefit from seeking professional help. Moreover, seeking a counselor who has experience in treating trauma will be a great help.
Furthermore, if you are in a relationship with a person who is struggling with abandonment issues, even couple therapy may help you move forward in the relationship.
The Bottom Line
lastly, I hope I was able to give you informative insights about abandonment issues, and always remember you are not alone in this.
However, there are so many people dealing with insecure attachment styles and abandonment issues. If you ever find yourself stuck and struggling with constant anxiety.
Do not hesitate to take professional help as there are so many people dealing with similar issues.
