When it comes to relationships and maintaining the perfect balance, we all fail sometimes. And the reason is not about what we said or what we did, it’s what we are and how we are built. There are some subtle differences between men and women in relationships that are responsible for most of the problems.
But can we solve those? Certainly, but first, we need to recognize the problem first. We all know that. But every time the actual problems come, we just start blaming each other.
The differences actually do not lie in people but in the way they were brought up. We all know the fact that men and women are brought up differently.
The social norms are designed in such a way that you need to go to the moon and back to change it.
Even if you try to change the norms and make your daughter just as strong as your son, there are thousands of people ready to say, “don’t cry like a girl.”
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These things, which didn’t seem to be a problem at that time, become a major one when we grow up.
So, if you are suffering through some problems in your relationship, the differences between you and your partner might be the reason behind it.
That being said, let’s look at these 8 differences between men and women in relationships and how to solve the problems caused by them.
1. Brought Up Differently
Men and women are different because their parents brought them up differently. We all have heard the saying that kids are nothing but clay. It is the parents who shape them.
That’s why it is said that people should be careful while saying anything to a child. Once they remember that, they will carry that thought till the end of their lives.
Think about it; don’t we do the same? Children who see their parents fight very often tend to become more aggressive than others in their adulthood.
Men are often told that crying is a sign of weakness and they should be strong. They are often told that dolls aren’t meant for them.
This way, men become emotionally bottled up and unavailable. This impacts their romantic relationships a lot. Because women, on the other hand, are more emotionally free, and they tend to expect the same from their partners. When it doesn’t happen, the problems begin.
2. Clash Between Logic & Emotions
Men and women are just like the two aspects of the human brain. One logical and the other emotional. See, it is not a crime to be emotional or to be logical but being unable to keep a balance gives birth to problems.
It does not matter how good you are in handling situations or solving problems if you are unable to recognize your partner’s emotions.
Sometimes, we just need someone to listen and empathize with us rather than a solution to the problem.
Women always complain about how emotionally unavailable men are, how they never listen, etc. it’s not their fault. Yes, on the other hand, it is also true that every brain is different. But it is also true that men and women are built in different ways too.
Men’s logical part of the brain develops faster than women, this is the reason that they don’t get attached to things the way women do.
But it is not always true. You might encounter a woman who has all these qualities we are talking about or a man who is emotionally available and has a feminine attachment style.
It always depends on how they were brought up and how their emotions were recognized when they were younger.
It’s not your fault. Ladies! Don’t get your man wrong. If he is not able to communicate his feelings, that does not mean that he doesn’t care or doesn’t want you. Guys will always be secret admirers.
Remind yourself of the theory of the clash between the logical and emotional. Women’s emotions are often validated more than men’s. That’s why men hesitate to communicate directly, and in some cases, they never learn how to do that.
All they learn is to show masculine emotions like courage, anger, etc. Women, on the other hand, are great communicators.
They can take the help of anything to communicate tiger feelings to you. It can be poetry, songs, or anything because this is something that they have been doing from the very beginning.
So, consider men’s actions if you find them unable to communicate verbally.
4. The Burden of Social Norms
The burden of social norms is the worst! In this society, men are always told not to express themselves, not to cry, to propose first, initiate first. On the other hand, women are always told to wait, stay calm, be docile, etc.
Due to these burdens, men and women sometimes unintentionally act in some way they aren’t supposed to do.
You know, I have always believed that we humans are nothing but an empty vessel and our personality is the thoughts that people, situations, and experiences have put into us.
Social norms play a big role. But nowadays, all these things are changing. Now, girls are also taking the initiative and proposing to men. But again, the majority of the people are still living according to the norms only.
5. Relationship Expectations are Different
See, relationship expectations are something that varies from person to person. But it is seen that women are more into fantasy world things like thinking about getting married to a guy after 1 month of dating, etc.
Men, on the other hand, are more light-minded. They like to take things slow and do not like to discuss emotional stuff much. It does not mean that they are not interested in that relationship.
I’m also not saying that women move too fast. The reason behind it is the fact that girls are often being told about how their wedding will be since childhood. This way, they develop an obsession with that dream.
Women are more on the romantic side, like candlelight dinners, dressing up, etc. On the other hand, men are also romantic, but they have different styles of communicating it.
Social media is also somehow responsible for messing up with these. People often develop unrealistic romantic expectations that harm the relationship in the end.
6. They Have Different Needs
Men and Women have different needs. Women are more into spending a lot of time together, while men need their space too. Women prioritize their emotional needs more than their physical ones, unlike men.
This happens because, generally, men choose physical touch and intimacy as their love language. Emotionally bottled-up men often neglect emotional talks and seem to be irritated by that.
It is seen that a lot of men who have gone for paid sex didn’t actually want sex but someone to hold them and make them feel secure.
Sounds contradictory, right? They are always told to give protection and provide, and the very fact that they want to receive stands at the fact.
But when the real moment comes when they can be free and as vulnerable as women, they feel that something is wrong and restrain themselves.
The solution depends from person to person. I would suggest the girls communicate with them and maintain a balance between you and their needs.
If you are providing them with what they want, you should get that too. Love is a give-and-take policy. So, communicate, validate, give, and take, and you’ll see harmony in your relationship.
7. They Love Differently
They love differently. This point takes us back to the first one when we were talking about how men and women are brought up differently.
You tell me, what’s the best way to communicate your love? Thorough your behavior, right? But what if the behavior is influenced by social norms?
Men are usually more reserved than women. The pressure is crazy. Just think, you are expected to take the first initiative, but the chances of being criticized are also high. Isn’t it crazy?
Moreover, men are not that spontaneous when it comes to commitment. For most women, commitment is equivalent to love. They might fall in love later, but they believe in giving commitment instantly.
Men are more thoughtful. They don’t take much time to fall in love, but when it comes to commitment, they like to take some time for themselves to be ready and then ask the most awaited question.
You must have noticed that women often complain that men don’t give a commitment, and sometimes, it makes women doubtful, and the relationship eventually falls apart.
So, it’s better that we give our partners their needed time and also validate the other person’s emotions too.
8. Their Values are Different
Values are what make a person take every needed step in their lives. See, in the end, we all are individuals. So, we just cannot invalidate them and navigate things according to us only.
Now, what are values? Values are nothing but the things or concepts you believe in. If you believe in giving and spreading kindness, it is not necessary that the other one will also value those things.
But it is also necessary to take care of them and rectify them if they are wrong. Couples often fight over something that they believe in, and both are contradictory to each other.
So, next time when you fight over your values, use your logic and objectify the situation a little bit and then consider whether the thing that you have believed in is actually right or not.
Then only you and your partner will be able to agree on something and create values for you two.
Moreover, the best way to do this is to be open to different kinds of thinking, ways of living, beliefs, and philosophies. It is not necessary that you need to agree on that, but it also does not impose yours on your partner.
Do These Differences Create a Problem?
Yes! Absolutely yes. But I’m not saying that these differences are the only reasons behind all the misunderstandings and disagreements.
Yes, childhood plays a pivotal part in someone’s character development, but it is never too late to make the necessary changes in your life and in your beliefs if you feel that all the things that you have been doing previously are wrong.
If you are not able to recognize them even after growing up, you need to work on yourself. Remember, you just cannot carry the baggage of messed up thinking and personality and expect someone to rectify it.
We are not playing Beauty and the Beast. Yes, in relationships, we do contribute to each other, and it makes us a better version of ourselves.
How to Overcome It?
There is nothing in this world that you cannot overcome. We have just created a myth that relationships are too complicated. Some say men are complicated, and some say it’s women. So, it’s better not to be in a relationship.
But trust me! It’s nothing in front of the bigger problems in life. The best way to overcome these is nothing but to communicate.
One of the biggest mistakes we commit in our romantic relationships is we don’t communicate properly. It doesn’t matter what kind of problem you are going through, just sit and talk things out.
See, it’s your relationship, and it’s your responsibility to maintain that. From time to time, things will be tough but giving up is not the right thing to do.
If you are single and confused about a guy or a girl that you have recently started dating, see whether the above-mentioned things sync or not.