Relationships of any sort are very delicate. They require love, emotional effort, care, and whole-hearted attempts to grow from nothing to something. Having said that, at times, relationships advance but in the opposite direction. Are you facing something similar and worried about it? Maybe you are missing out on something.
At times, unintentionally, we ruin our valuable bonds, and if you think yours have reached a point where it is crumbling down, know, are you the reason behind sabotaging your relationship?
Yes, it’s very much possible that you are the one who is standing between your happy relationship and you. Why and how does it happen? Continue reading, as all your questions will be answered.
What is self-sabotaging behavior?
Before knowing that you are the one behind wrecking your relationship, note that self-sabotaging behavior is when you yourself hinder the normal functioning of any relationship. Unwavering mindset, negativity, hesitation, and gloomy outlook stem out of self-doubt and instill destructive patterns.
If you want to match the characteristics of this behavior with yours, here you go!
Why do people in Self-Sabotaging
All human beings on this planet are very different from each other. Correct? Be it upbringing, family background, values, beliefs, family situations, or anything else; all this varies from person to person.
Out of so many reasons, the primary and most frequent one is the fear of heartbreak and rejection.
“Pistanthrophobia,” or fear of getting hurt in a romantic relationship, is serious and can strongly lead a person to raise the guards and protect the self from the bruise. Moreover, getting dumped is a kind of rejection, and let’s be honest, nobody likes to be rejected by the other person.
Besides this rationale, some of the others are past negative experiences, lack of interpersonal skills, and more, which add fuel to the fire.
At times, all these reasons are justified; still, if you recognize the flaw, your efforts toward rectification are a must. And, if you are ignorant about them, you will end up self-sabotaging your romantic relationships.
Signs that you are Damaging your Relationship
If you unintentionally place yourself or your connections in peril, you should check out some of these necessary signals and correct them further. (Hey! Don’t stress out; our recommendations will help you out too)
1. Unnecessary Mistrust
Yes, in relationships, especially romantic in nature makes the partners a little suspicious about their better halves. However, the situation gets alarming when you do not pacify this feeling and hang to it for a long time.
Not only does it get too much for your partner, but you are disrupting a relationship that could have been different otherwise.
2. Forsake Promises
Date nights, luncheons, romantic gateways, promises to attend important events, and whatnot are like essentials in any relationship that keep the love ignited.
However, if you tend to shirk away these responsibilities and are unable to keep the promises often, you are on the path to disappointing your partner. If it doesn’t bother you or you don’t care about his/her feelings, your relationship is not thriving; rather, it’s moribund.
3. Shunning Away Physically Intimacy
Passion and romance are an inevitable part of amours. Intimacy is not only just physical, but emotional closeness makes the foundation of the union strong. Sadly, if you refrain the closeness in your relationship and avoid any sort of physical contact, you need to rewire the status of your bond.
Having said that, it’s true that the dreamy and fancy side of intimacy can be a burden on couples. But, if you deliberately don’t yearn for your partner’s affinity, you are giving way to self-sabotaging behavior.
4. Holding on to Resentment
‘No two people are the same,’ and we all are aware of it. Disagreements, fights, hurt, and quarrels become the other side of the coin due to these differences.
However, when you love someone, you tend to move on from those divergences and get into the zone of “forgive and forget.” If you are unable to do that in your relationship and don’t resolve the issues, you are surely showing self-sabotaged behavior.
5. Finding a Smooth Exit
Generally, in healthy romantic relationships, both partners invest and think about their future together. They plan to not only grow together in their bond but also rise individually.
Are you seeing a change in your behavior, and it circles around leaving your partner? Clearly, you are not on the path of love.
Unfortunately, when you do the planning only to find the perfect way out of this relationship, something is definitely wrong.
6. Gaslighting Syndrome
No relationship can ever prosper if any one of the two is being gaslighted. Imagine you are in a union where “your person” doesn’t validate your feelings. So suffocating! Right?
Similarly, if you are the one who is the gaslighter in your relationship, you might want to stop the manipulation and the self-sabotage actions. In the course of this pretense, you are actually distressing yourself.
7. Only Criticism
Is perfection possible in any relationship? Are you perfect yourself? No, right? So, if you constantly try to find your ideal partner with extraordinary qualities, you will find yourself in a pool of complaints.
Neither will you be satisfied, nor will you feel the connection as your ‘dream girl’ or ‘prince charming’ can never be “ideal.” But if you are unable to adjust to your partner’s flaws and criticize consistently, no relationship can be saved. Well, isn’t self-sabotaging all about this only?
8. Self-Negative Talks
What are you doing with me? Why do you love me? I am nothing, you can find somebody else (Blah-blah-blah) are some of the sentences you reiterate to your partner when you deal with low self-esteem.
Although it’s something you are dealing with, its reciprocal nature has repercussions on your partner too. If both your good and bad days with your lover includes consistent self-mockery or demeaning the self, you are heading towards a broken relationship.
Effective Ways to Stop Self-Sabotaging Behavior
If you are worried about the reason behind your failing relationship, don’t worry, as there are solutions to this issue. Not only will you be able to save the falling star, but you will also shine in your union. Some of the recommendations are –
- Learn about your Triggers – Yes, your behaviors are altering unintentionally because of some psychological set-offs (triggers). Be it low self-esteem, fear of abandonment, fear of getting close, and more, the union will not sustain itself for long.
- Communication is the Key – The oldest and most important way to take up your issues in a mature way is to never stop communicating. Moreover, there is nothing that couldn’t be solved by talking.
Instead of blaming or gaslighting, sit and share your feelings and thoughts with your beloved. Definitely, you will find a middle ground.
- Taking Accountability – If you realize that you are the reason behind Sabtaging your relationship, you must take responsibility right away and take the first steps.
Mind that you will be able to repair and stop further damage only if you consider yourself the reason for differences.
Also, more ways like opening up, letting go, working on the attachment styles, and seeking therapy are pretty constructive.
We all have ups and downs in our adorable relationship, but it gets even worse when you become the reason behind the sinking of the relationship. At times, we miss the signals and indulge in self-sabotaging behavior.
As much as it destroys your love-filled union, it pulls you down too. So, if you want to save yourself from agony, track down your feelings and tackle everything carefully.
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