As per the 49th vice president of the United States, Kamala Harris, “I was raised to be an independent woman, not the victim of anything.” And not just her; we all, including me, have grown listening to be independent people and lead a life that requires you to be confident.
Moreover, which is actually a good thing as it pumps us with required traits like strength, self-reliance, and confidence to achieve anything. Being dependent is fine till a point, after which a teen has to leave the comfort of the home to fly high in the sky but solo.
However, when we grow up listening to being independent, it is natural for us to ingrain this quality even when we are at a stage where relationship building of all sorts is important.
Having said that, if you are being too independent for a relationship, it may not only jeopardize your romantic union but also suffocate your partner. When I mean, suffocate, I clearly hint at the disruptions that are either caused by mutual differences or one leading the relationship too independently.
It is very right in today’s time to not be dependent on any individual and take charge of your being. But it is important for all of us to understand that the mere characteristic of a romantic relationship is collaboration.
Possible Causes that you are too Independent For a Relationship
It’s okay, my friend, if you are unable to figure out the potential reasons that make it difficult for you to be dependent on your beloved in some situations. Let’s go through them one by one, as they will also help you identify the signs of over-independence.
Unable to Trust
The basis of any failing relationship is a lack of trust. When you are too independent not only in your living but thoughts, it will be very hard for you to believe your partner. There are high chances that you, once in a while, also dismiss their opinion, as you know what is right or wrong.
However, think about your lover, who may have natural and obvious relationship expectations from his better half. And initially, it may be taken supportively and appreciated for not being a burden on them.
However, it is not that far in the future, and you may come across problems that will not have any solutions. Besides, the moment your partner realizes that trust, which is an essential component of a happy relationship, is missing, he/she may feel disheartened. This may also suffocate the person and propel him/her to end the relationship at once.
Fear to Commit
When all this while your engineering has been to be independent and never to rely on people for anything, you will feel the difficulty of mixing up completely with your partner. Additionally, your relationship will blossom only when it experiences emotional and physical unfiltered connection.
And the ones who are not investing emotions and time a great deal in the union are not leading a relationship that is bound to survive. Although, I know committing to one person is not that easy as there are so many things that you must consider before sealing the deal with marriage. (Also called Commitment Phobia)
Thinking about your career and associated growth is very important and a good thing. Especially an independent person is always more concerned about fulfilling his/her ambition in life rather than focusing on building a relationship.
If given a choice, it is a tendency for an independent individual to pick their career over anything else, which is not a bad thing, provided the person is able to maintain a balance between professional and personal life.
So, if you are serious about making this affectionate bond work, putting your partner’s needs and expectations first will help you a great deal without suffocating him/her.
Problems with Sharing Power
Power can be related to not letting others affect you, including your partner or the power to make decisions for you. But the people who are too independent for a relationship will face resistance to share that power with somebody.
Whereas if you see it carefully, the problem of power sharing is more of your problem than it is his/her. Personally, I also don’t like it when people start making decisions for me, even when, at times, it is important.
For example, the other day, my boyfriend decided that I would not be wearing a black dress for the party. It may be a very small thing, but I felt like he is taking away my power to decide things for myself.
So, similar things may be happening to you, which you can identify and work on if you want to be with your partner for the rest of your life.
Fear of getting Ditched
At times, being too independent for a relationship has nothing to do with you not relying on anybody for anything. As living beings with a heart and emotions, a breakup is something that we all fear experiencing.
The worst of all is when the partner you invest in so much goes on to cheat on you. Indeed, it is the most hurtful thing ever but raising the guards is also no solution. Moreover, you might miss out on a really good person who could have been the lover of your dreams.
How to Stop Being Too Independent For a Relationship
It is actually very great that you realize that you are the reason behind sabotaging your relationship, and you need to stop being too independent and work on achieving mutual dependency with your lover. Let’s look at them.
Develop Good Communication
There is nothing in this world that cannot be solved through communication. (Except for a war!) Discussing what can be done to make this relationship worth investing in is the first step.
Furthermore, listening to each other’s concerns and problems that do not let you or your partner open up will make it a bit easier to reach solutions. After all, admitting your problem means that you are halfway there; the other half is manageable after both of you simply TALK.
Set Boundaries & Stop Being Too Independent For a Relationship
If you communicate certain things that put you off in this union, your partner will be able to figure out how he can make things work. Furthermore, you may still need time to accept and adjust to being dependent on your partner for a few things, so tell him/her in advance.
Not to miss that, fencing some of your emotions is not that big of a deal and will only help you in opening up step by step. After you have conveyed to your lover about the things acceptable to you or otherwise, then only you will be able to work on other things.
Constantly Remind Yourself that it’s Fine to Depend
Personally, I am a huge fan of people who are independent and make decisions or find solutions to their own problems. (Since I am too like this.) However, the moment you decide that you want this person for the rest of your life, it is important to build a healthy interdependent relationship.
At times, you can fall into the trap too, but constantly remind yourself that it is perfectly okay to be reliant on your partner sometimes. Not only will you feel good about it, but you will feel even more, closer to your lover.
If you are commencing the journey of bringing changes to your relationship, owning it is the best possible bet. If you start with accepting instead of finding faults in the other person, your partner will leave the conversation because of consistent suffocation. So, be careful!
Learn to Share Your Life
It is important to know the difference between being in a romantic relationship and leading a life solo. Being independent is the only choice in the case when you don’t have a partner with whom you have to work to build a strong union. All you can care about is your personal needs, dreams, passions, career, and whatever else you think is important.
However, this type of nature and behavior will not work for a long period of time when you have a person who loves you and cares about you. So, gradually adapt to this change and learn to seek help, opinions, and suggestions from your beloved.
In the end, all I can say is that, in the first place, it is actually not your fault if you are being too independent for a relationship. If you carefully notice everything, everybody from the very beginning gets the advice to never rely on anyone. Period.
Besides, living independently for so many years will not change one fine day after you begin a new relationship.
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